Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
