He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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