you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
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After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
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TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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