we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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