There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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