i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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