Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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