So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
