Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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