i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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