It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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