I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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