remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
