Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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