Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Drake has all the answers
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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