Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
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no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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