Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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