allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
