you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
