Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
