matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
