I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
