We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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