I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize