So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
