God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
