Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
