I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
