Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
