I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
