Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am midnight drunk by noon
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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