I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize