As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
