The maid of honor just puked.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
