Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Is Oprah even human
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
