i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
