I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
