If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
