Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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