Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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