I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
