What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
