I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
