I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
