hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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