so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
