Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
