My friends, they love my intelligence
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
