Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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