So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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