i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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