my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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