is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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