Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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