I'm so fucking centered right now
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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