Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
