TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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