chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
