I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
