did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
