he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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