Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
