i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
my liver is dry heaving
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
