I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
