You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
