Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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