my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
