god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
