I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
