Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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