hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
