I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
