I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole