In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.