whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
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Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
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I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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