Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
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You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
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I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.