fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.