I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
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Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
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Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits