Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
