I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
