yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Randomize
