I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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