Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
