I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
